Ask me my age, and ninety-nine percent of the time, I’ll hesitate before answering. This isn’t because I’m embarrassed to admit the number (I’m twenty-six); rather, it’s because I actually have to think about it to make sure I’m getting it right. My age at heart and my age in reality are two completely different things. I may be twenty-six. I feel eighteen.
According to my parents, this feeling never really goes away. That’s not such a bad thing, I suppose – what’s wrong, after all, with being young at heart? Still, it’s jarring to think I’ve been out of college for five years; that I have to worry about things like health insurance; that people often mistake me as the mother of the children I babysit; that I’ve finally reached the age at which I always thought I’d get married.
Sometimes I look at my friends–most are in long-term relationships and hold steady, full-time jobs–and feel light years behind. Everyone else, it seems, knows what she wants and where she’s headed. They have plans. I have none.
But I also have very little to complain about. I’m a freelance writer, which means I create my own schedule. I live in the city of my dreams. I have wonderful friends and family. I keep a blog. In a recent post, I wrote about feeling “directionless but not purposeless.” It’s true, as a freelancer and as a single girl in a big city, I often do feel a bit lost. I don’t know where I’m headed, and I honestly haven’t a clue what’s next for me.
But here’s the thing. I’ve learned that being lost doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I’m happy. I’m having fun. And I’m pushing myself to keep trying new things (I recently started a series on my blog chronicling my adventures). How could I possibly be wasting time?
Having a plan might mean feeling more secure, and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t sound appealing on some level. On the other hand, not having one–despite the pitfalls–is deliciously, unimaginably thrilling. Anything is possible. The future’s wide open. It’s the ultimate adventure. And I’m looking forward to sharing bits and pieces of it here with you on the Equals Project.
See you next week!