Looking Forward: Rethinking the Ladder
Growing up, my vision of “going to work” was extremely narrow. I pictured myself click-clacking down office hallways in high-heeled shoes. I imagined sitting at a desk lined with silver picture frames, shuffling endless stacks of papers, a telephone receiver balanced on my shoulder. The job itself was never entirely clear but it was obvious that the woman I would become was successful, powerful, and very, very important.
Cut to the present. Most days, you’ll find me perched at my dining table, typing away at my computer next to a window that overlooks my building’s disarrayed jungle of a backyard. There’s not a silver frame or leather briefcase in sight, and I don’t own a single business suit. My uniform of choice usually involves a vintage dress and bare feet—no click-clacking heels for me.
As a relative newcomer to the freelance world, I realize that while I’m extremely lucky, my career is far from what the average New Yorker would consider “successful,” “powerful,” or “important.” It’s challenging, exciting, liberating, unconventional—but lucrative? Glamorous? Cosmopolitan? Not quite.
“If you really pushed yourself,” a friend very kindly said to me recently, “you could go so far. I see you running your own business. You could be a total power player at the top of your field.”
Of course, this was a nice thing to hear. Surprising, but nice. There’s a reason I’ve chosen to sacrifice certain things, however—a steady paycheck, employer-provided healthcare, the comfort of a routine—in order to follow the path I’m on. It’s because in the past year, I’ve thought seriously about what I want to prioritize. For some people, that might be the pursuit of a high-powered career—and I think that ambition is wonderful. For myself, though—and it feels a little funny to admit this—having a successful career is just not that high on my list. I have goals, of course, and I hope to always be involved in creative projects throughout my life, but as far as being a “power player”? Putting in long hours at an office? Moving up the corporate ladder? It’s just not me.
I like to think that my life doesn’t have to conform to a traditional image of success to be successful. I’m willing to sacrifice a higher-paying job and a certain amount of security to pursue what’s meaningful to me.
When I look back on my life in forty years, what do I think will make me happiest?
Having traveled.
Having had adventures.
Having loved.
Having been a good mother.
Having been a student of music, food, art, and culture around the world.
Having taken risks.
Having helped others.
Sounds successful, powerful, and very, very important to me.
Aug 29, 2012 @ 08:12:04
I love this – recently, I’ve had several people ask me if I’ll go back to work after our baby is born… and I’m not sure how to answer them. I see myself being involved in various projects (some paid, others just for fun), continuing my education in my various interests, but most importantly being home for my kid(s)… but I don’t see myself at a traditional 9-5 job, which while other people might not understand, I think it makes the most sense for me, my life and my family. Absolutely successful and important, but not traditional.
Aug 29, 2012 @ 08:18:00
I love this! I too don’t follow a ‘traditional’ career path. Currently I work as a virtual assistant, a job I actually enjoy, while pondering in the deepest darkest corners of my brain ‘Could I be a Writer?’. My goals have never been professionally based. It took me a while to be ok with that. My friends were starting careers, and then later going back to school for graduate degrees so they could get their dream jobs. And I’ve just never had that particular aspiration. I’ve decided that instead of focusing on a career path and corporate benefits, I’ll focus on just being happy everyday. I’ll take that over a 401k anytime.
Sep 01, 2012 @ 16:28:57
Renee, focusing on being happy every day sounds like the best goal you could possibly set for yourself – good for you!
Aug 29, 2012 @ 11:29:51
Perhaps writing isn’t glamorous or cosmopolitan, but I think it’s quite romantic and cool. Sometimes I think about how different my life would be as an artist, but I don’t think I would like the uncertainty! It’s so interesting to hear different perspectives. I do think that, regardless of who you are and what you do, it’s so important to consider what will make you the happiest! I think that’s such a great outlook to keep things in perspective, and I am definitely going to use it more.
Aug 29, 2012 @ 12:31:00
I love, love, love this. You are one admirable gal, let me tell you. To me, happiness is the definition of success. So whether you’re happily earning a six-figure income in some glamorous downtown office building or happily working from home with different clients from one week to the next… you have won.
Aug 31, 2012 @ 12:23:13
So well said – I totally agree!
Aug 29, 2012 @ 12:55:13
I think this is why I love reading your posts so much … I’m one of those corporate zombies that is stuck in a daily routine, and in some ways, I enjoy it, but in others, I wish I could be a free spirit with the strength and courage to pursue more meaningful things to me … but alas, I have a family, with another child on the way, and the chances of me dropping my 9 to 5 are slim and impossible .. but I don’t regret it, as I love working to ensure the well-being and happiness of my family .. but I live vicariously through people like you, through your outlook and perspective on life, to “complete me” .. LoL .. corney .. I know! Sorry if that sounded kinda creapy .. it really wasn’t meant to be .. but I’m not much of a writer, so it’s kinda hard to correctly explain what I’m thinking .. if you know what I mean! Anyways .. I’ll stop now .. LoL
Aug 31, 2012 @ 12:42:35
Haha, I know what you’re saying! And I think what you’re doing is just as admirable, courageous, and worthwhile as any sort of creative endeavor. You should be proud. Your family is lucky to have you!
Aug 29, 2012 @ 13:31:14
yes to all of it! beautifully conveyed.
Aug 29, 2012 @ 13:32:16
I think that success is measured in so many different ways and it’s extremely personal. I loved this piece bc not only are you doing what you love and defining your own future and what success means to you, but you’re accepting and aware that other people might think the opposite of what you think. And is it really a “sacrifice” if you feel happy and fulfilled doing what you’re doing. When I left my corporate job I spent the first year feeling anxious and second-guessing my choice instead of embracing it and remembering all the reasons that lead me to change my life in the first place. People thought I was nuts. How could I leave such a “coveted job” – most of them didn’t know what they were talking about. I was so unhappy and working all hours of the day and night doing something that neither moved me nor motivated me nor inspired me. The hardest thing for me was to listen to myself instead of all the noise that was constantly around me. I love your writing. When I asked you the other night “are you a writer?” and you said “yes, I freelance” my initial thought was: “oh, obviously that makes sense. she’s a fantastic writer.” I so love your point of view, your perspective, your enthusiasm and your honesty. It is so refreshing. x
And, on a side note, Watching the Wheels is one of my favorite John Lennon songs and I used to sing it to the baby as a lullaby bc the lyrics really spoke to me…especially the first few verses:
People say I’m crazy doing what I’m doing,
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin,
When I say that I’m o.k. they look at me kind of strange,
Surely your not happy now you no longer play the game,
People say I’m lazy dreaming my life away,
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me,
Aug 31, 2012 @ 12:36:53
Thank you, Monica. That really means so much to me – and it means even more coming from you, an artist that I respect so much. You inspire me! And that song – I haven’t heard it in ages, but you’re right, it’s perfect.
Aug 29, 2012 @ 22:04:20
I knew there was a reason I fell in love with your blog. This is so me. I’m a freelancer struggling to make ends meet, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I recently got an opportunity that could change things for me in a huge way. Sure, I rarely leave the house and I live in my pajamas, but I love getting up early when the house is silent and working on my current novel. I love staying up late to read fantastic books. I love that I have the flexibility to take time off (even if it nearly kills me financially) and go wherever I want. I spent my whole life wanting to be a teacher and then I got punched in the figurative gut by some major obstacles that had an absolute domino effect on my life, but every single thing has lead me to where I am today.
Aug 31, 2012 @ 12:33:28
Thank you, Brianna! That’s so nice of you to say. You have such a great attitude about what’s gotten you to where you are today…and I’m so glad to hear about this new opportunity – so exciting!
Aug 30, 2012 @ 00:03:49
Once again, a lovely, lovely post that I can so relate to! Thanks for sharing, Shoko!
Aug 31, 2012 @ 12:24:39
Thank you, everyone, for your very sweet – and very inspiring – comments! I absolutely love hearing from you all :)
Sep 01, 2012 @ 16:45:06
There are so many different definition of success, and while I’m still trying to figure out what my particular definition is, I’m loving yours. And following your own path…that is so important. During my year and a half working a corporate desk job, I was never able to fully comprehend how a bunch of people could spend their whole lives pushing numbers and papers, when I was absolutely MISERABLE doing it. After escaping from that job, and after a lot of thought, I realized that some people might actually enjoy that kind of work, or that lifestyle, or the level of potential corporate success it could bring them, and that didn’t make them wrong or boring, it just made them…them. And that’s what makes this world run: different people loving different things. Otherwise there wouldn’t be any accountants and everyone would be sitting around in this bare feet writing, which sounds like heaven to me, but everyone’s bank accounts would be a mess.
Anyway…these posts of yours always inspire the most epic rambles from me, but I like that, because it means they make me think, and I can relate. Yay success, in whatever form. =]
Sep 01, 2012 @ 19:15:59
Wonderful piece Shoko. To be honest, when I grew up, that was my picture of a “successful” career as well. In a way, it was hammered into me by my parents all those Asian/Chinese expectations of what it means to ‘succeed.’
Today, I am absolutely convinced that my life is wonderful even if I am not the CEO of a Top 100 company like I’d aspired to be in high school! I have the most wonderful husband, we’ve had four beautiful boys together, I get to spend my time looking our family, I get to write, photograph and blog as my heart desires, and every day I am helping to create and record memories for the boys to look back on.
Love your pieces Shoko. You are so beautifully talented.
Ronnie xo
Sep 04, 2012 @ 14:28:39
Thanks so much, Ronnie. Your blog is evidence that you have the most beautiful life. So much to celebrate there.
Sep 02, 2012 @ 08:48:03
Thank you.
I think many of us feel our way as we go along, and it’s so important that we know, to some degree, what it is that we want, what brings us joy, etc. It’s wonderful that you can vocalize it. More than a few years ago, I woke up and found that I had accumulated much of what I thought I wanted. Looking back now, it was ostensibly a great life, but it didn’t feel right for some reason. It nagged at me slowly, everyday. It took some time to realize that, for instance, my work lacked the meaning and depth that I now realize I need in my life. Generally, I had unknowingly swallowed whole someone else’s dream of a life.
Everything on your list I would/have written on mine. And while I think those values will stick with me for the long-run, I do feel that I am going to have to balance my risks and this concept of stability.
Sep 04, 2012 @ 14:39:15
You are such an inspiration, Jocy. Thank you.
Oct 06, 2012 @ 11:11:06
I too used to fantasize about being a high powered career woman that dressed glamorously for work. This was mostly modeled after the characters in romantic comedies. Once I started looking for real jobs they always seemed attractive on the outside with steady pay, benefits, vacation, etc., but I always felt so stifled once I was in them. I have found that no matter how great a position may be, I am never quite satisfied as an employee, working my tail end off for someone else’s business. When I first realized this I felt ashamed, like I was behaving selfishly or too proud. Now I realize it’s just my nature – I would rather be a struggling entrepreneur than a successful employee.
I love your articles on here Shoko! I’m having so much fun catching up on all of them.