Looking Forward: Just a Matter of Time.
“We are the luckiest people in the world to live in Brooklyn,” a friend said to me the other day over coffee. “Brooklyn is the coolest place on the planet right now. When we’re older, we’ll be able to tell our kids, ‘We lived in Brooklyn when it was just becoming Brooklyn.’ Think about that.”
I’ve thought about it, and it’s true. Brooklyn is a wonderful place to be young and creative. Everyone (well, maybe not everyone, but it seems that way) is an artist, a writer, a musician, a designer. The place bristles with energy. Imagination. New ideas.
It’s exhilarating, for sure. But sometimes it can be downright intimidating. Everyone seems so cool, confident, and creative, it’s easy to feel discouraged about my own burgeoning career as a writer. It’s easy to feel small.
Do I stand out? Is my work good enough? Is my writing terrible? Is it lame? Worse, is it boring?
I’ve found myself sucked into this anxiety-ridden spiral on more occasions than I’d like to admit. And while I think a little self-doubt can be healthy, I’ve found that more often than not, dwelling on insecurity has been a waste of time. So when the questions feel crushing, I try to keep three things in mind:
I’m still learning. I forget this all the time. I’m young. I’m new to this (though I’ve always loved to write, I only decided to pursue writing professionally a year-and-a-half ago). Creatively, not everything I produce is going to be up to my standards. But that’s okay—it’s practice. (Ira Glass had it right when he said this.)
Feeling small can be a good thing. Sometimes I read something that’s so incredibly, heartbreakingly good that I feel like I might as well abandon my career. What’s the point of going on, asks drama-queen me, when there are so many brilliant writers in the world? This is where slightly-more-rational me steps in: it’s wonderful that the world is full of amazing writers. It’s inspiring. It’s a push.
My time will come. It may not happen tomorrow; it may not happen for weeks, months, or years. But I know that someday, I’m bound to reach a place that feels more secure than this. I know my creative confidence will build with time. I know that as a writer, I’ll find my voice.
Of course, I’d love to get there sooner rather than later. But for now, I’m doing my best to be patient. I’m keeping calm and carrying on, if you will. “Someday” will come soon enough, I figure—it’s only a matter of time.
May 30, 2012 @ 10:19:59
I love this! We are seriously alike. I have many of the same insecurities you express here, and it’s totally natural. I’ve only been writing professionally for about as long as you have, and it’s frustrating that I’m not, like, PERFECT yet. But it’s all part of the process, and I have a feeling I am where I should be– ahead, even. Thanks for expressing it so well. Meanwhile, I’ve seriously been considering Brooklyn lately. Hunter College is on my short list for MFA programs, and it’d be so incredible to live where you do! Pinch yourself, guurrl!
May 31, 2012 @ 23:22:51
Cassie, it’s so comforting to hear you feel the same way. And oh my goodness, a move to Brooklyn? That would be amazing – really hope it works out!
May 30, 2012 @ 12:10:20
I really loved reading this! I would love to have a more creative career, but when I come up with possibile creative endeavors to pursue I feel intimidated by all the wonderful talent that is already out there and immediately doubt my ability to succeed in a sea of such fabulousness. I really enjoy your writing, and it is refreshing to hear that others have the same self-doubt at times.
May 31, 2012 @ 23:25:45
Hannah, thank you so much! I know how you feel – but keep at it. I finding that pushing through the doubt is always worth it!
May 31, 2012 @ 23:27:03
And by “I finding,” I mean “I am finding” :)
May 30, 2012 @ 13:59:04
You are an incredible writer~ and WHEN, because it will happen, you are famous, I’ll be able to say that I knew Shoko before she was big and famous~ Keep on writing!
May 31, 2012 @ 23:27:49
Henry, that is so incredibly nice of you to say. Thank you for the encouragement. Your words always make me smile.
May 30, 2012 @ 14:05:14
I often feel exactly the same insecurity and intimidation. It really can be crushing somethings. What I’m realizing more and more is that for me, doing is key. If I sit, freaked out, the feeling only grows. So I just have to go out there, be proactive, and DO. It’s definitely easier said than done, though. Thanks for sharing, it helps to know others have the same struggles, and we are all in it together :)
May 31, 2012 @ 23:33:21
Ami, yes! I often will get trapped in a bubble if I sit too long and think too much. You’re right, doing is totally key.
May 30, 2012 @ 15:03:08
Shoko, you are inspiring and your words give me a push! I’m not on a creative career path, but I relate so well to your thoughts here. I’m starting medical school this fall, and the path that led me to this point in my life and the path ahead has been and will be long and extremely humbling. Excited as I am to learn and work with some truly brilliant minds, sometimes when I think about how much farther I have to go and all the ups and downs that will come with being a medical student and a doctor, intimidation and fear set in. I’ll definitely be keeping your three things in mind on this journey of mine. Thank you so much for sharing!
May 31, 2012 @ 23:39:14
Thank you, Kathy! How exciting to hear you’ll be going to medical school – amazing! You have such a great attitude – I know you’ll do great.
May 30, 2012 @ 21:23:20
I LOVE that Ira Glass quote – and for what it’s worth I’ve been enjoying your writing on here IMMENSELY!
Also – totally agree about feeling a little small sometimes being a good thing; my version of this philosophy is that there’s nothing like a little FEAR to keep you sharp and on your toes.
May 30, 2012 @ 22:11:37
Shoko, your words touch me, and I can truly relate to what you are saying. Ira Glass has it so right – it’s a quote I try to keep in mind often. I know feelings of self-doubt and impatience all too well and am working really hard on having less of them in my life. The same goes for comparison. Comparison is rarely helpful and more often than not it leads to feeling paralyzed. And yet, it’s such a difficult habit to break! Thank you for sharing this with us – I adore your weekly contributions here on The Equals Record!
May 31, 2012 @ 01:17:41
I’d say you’re well on your way already, Shoko =] I can totally relate to this (surprise, surprise)! For me, feeling small is a thrill; moving from Minneapolis to Los Angeles has been a creatively life-changing experience, in that I am suddenly a little fish in a big sea of artists, but at least I’m IN the sea. Minneapolis is definitely a wonderful, creative city, but it’s more like a mid-sized lake than a massive body of salt water. My creativity came alive when I moved to LA and I feel inspired on a daily basis. And while feeling small can equal totally overwhelming days and anxiety attacks, it’s also a great comfort to be surrounded by other people who are going through the same thing. Love, love, love your posts!
May 31, 2012 @ 23:56:39
Such a great point: at least we’re IN the sea. I love that. (And thank you – I’m so happy you’ve been liking the posts!)
May 31, 2012 @ 03:40:54
Thank you, thank you, and thank you a million times for writing this. I’m there too. I guess we’ve all been there. It’s comforting to know that even someone as talented as you has these same thoughts. Hang in there. You are finding your place- and it’s great. :)
May 31, 2012 @ 23:43:45
Thank you so much, Rebecca – that’s so sweet. You hang in there, too!
May 31, 2012 @ 10:29:51
Now, more than ever, people in their late 20s and early 30s are struggling to find their place in the world. Many people are struggling to make ends meet. I know I am. I live at home, have minimal expenses each month, and I’m still barely making it. It’s a terrifying prospect to that this could be it for me. Yet, I know people who are in the same station of life as I am and are having everything handed to them on a silver platter. It’s a terrible dichotomy that ruins lifelong friendships.
May 31, 2012 @ 23:54:26
Brianna, I have a hunch this is not it for you :) I have friends who are lightyears ahead of me when it comes to money, careers, and relationships, but I’m doing my best to remind myself that I have time and there shouldn’t be any rush. As long as I’m pushing myself and engaging in the world around me, I feel it’s impossible to be making any big mistakes. Don’t be discouraged – I’ve read your writing; you’re such a creative, talented person. Keep it up!
May 31, 2012 @ 13:05:50
and here i am looking back at many more years of life than you yet i am consumed with so many of the same fears. all of us seem to struggle with similar issues, just realizing that is encouraging.
May 31, 2012 @ 23:45:35
I agree. Finding out that so many of you feel or have felt similarly is so comforting. We’re all in the same boat, it seems! :)
May 31, 2012 @ 13:49:07
Dear Shoko. As a writer of one kind or another for a few decades now, trust me, you’re way ahead of the game. Doubt is part of the deal. It’s actually fuel for the fire. Your doubt is a good thing – it’s other people’s doubt you have to ignore. Of course, criticism can be constructive, and we could all use a good editor in those times we find ourselves writing such a run-on sentence that we desperately insert an ellipsis just to get out of it… but ultimately you are the only person you should be trying to please. I happen to know that you are an incredibly perceptive, gracefully sincere, and genuinely joyful person – so if it’s true that we are our own worst critics, you’re in good hands. Just continue to speak your truth, continue to seek inspiration from writers you adore, and continue to challenge yourself on your own terms. Someday is closer than your think.
Jun 01, 2012 @ 00:03:33
Trent, it means so much to hear this from you. Thank you! What an amazing reminder it is that above all, we should only aim to please ourselves. I will definitely remember that. I can’t thank you enough for sharing such wise words!
Jun 01, 2012 @ 15:00:46
I haven’t had the time to comment on all of them but these posts are absolutely fabulous. Like reading the diary of a wise kindred spirit. I’m in a completely different field so this is especially impressive (but not completely unexpected!), hats off to your wonderful writing & insight! “Looking forward” to your next post & many more ;)
Jun 04, 2012 @ 23:50:03
I think no matter how successful you are (however you measure that success) there will also be some insecurity that sneaks into your life and psyche. I think everyone plays that comparison game and even if we know it’s irrational (I mean, I know it is) we sometimes can’t help it. I get into ruts all the time and I end up feeling so frustrated with myself bc then I have to spend all this time trying to pull myself out of it. I do it all the time but I think that one of the other commenters said is so true…we have to remind ourselves that at least we’re in the game.
And btw, it’s funny bc over 10 years ago when my husband and I were first dating and we lived in Brooklyn we used to say the same thing that you and your friend are saying today. And every so often we take the baby out to lunch or for a walk in Brooklyn bc we just love it so much and have so many amazing memories of when we lived there. And he lived there for over 10 years before we met so I like to think of what it was like even then! I think Brooklyn is one of those places that will always be bursting with inspiration and tremendously creative people and will always be “becoming” something…something amazing and even better than it was before.
Jul 04, 2012 @ 17:59:26
Hello Shoko!
I loved your post so much! I’ve started to write my own blog and I feel very worried about what people will think of me, of my ideas, and why they will read my blog instead of many others… But reading your post makes me feel a little more confident about what I write and about my ideas. I’m just starting and I think practicing it’s the best thing do! Thanks, Natalia.
Jul 07, 2012 @ 01:34:57
Thank you, Natalia! I’m so, so glad to hear that. Stick with it, have fun, and stay true to what’s meaningful to YOU – sounds cheesy, but that’s really all that matters!
Jul 08, 2012 @ 06:48:41
Hello Shoko! I’m glad you went to see my blog! :D Thanks for the sweet words!